Anon: I was molested by my best friend (at the time) when I was 15. Since then, I haven’t been able to open myself up sexually to any partner until two months ago, which is almost 4 years later. Since I never wanted to do anything with anyone else, I did masturbate, and of course it felt nice… but now that I’m doing things with others, I can’t feel it at all. Is this something psychological? Or is it something I can fix on my own without going to the doctor about it?
FYSE: That is definitely common with people who have been sexually abused. Seeing a therapist and talking to them about what happened and what feelings it brought up and how it effects you can help. If you can’t do this with a therapist do it with a friend or someone you trust or me (firstname.lastname@example.org) acknowledging what happened and working through it can help. It also helps to talk to your current partners about it but that’s definitely not something you should feel you have to do unless you’re comfortable with it.
Basically, you have to let yourself be angry or upset and let yourself feel the feelings that you might not have ever allowed yourself to feel. Holding onto the trauma and those emotions and not working through them in a healthy way can make a lot of things difficult, including sex and orgasming. Once you’ve been able to work through your trauma and you can think of yourself as a sexual being, and you are able to OWN your body and see what an amazing person you are and be able to trust others and not just associate sexuality with your trauma you’ll be more comfortable with your body and your sexuality enough to be able to orgasm. It might take some time but you’ll get there. You can also check out my post on recovering from abuse.
There are a lot of recovery blogs on tumblr and on the internet in general. Although I strongly suggest seeing a therapist just being around people who have been through similar things can help. Here’s the list I have in my FAQ:
The Safespacenetwork is a great resource for finding safe and helpful tumblrs, as well as hotlines.