Anonymous asked: i never tell my partner if what he's doing is hurting me, i feel like his pleasure is more important and it makes me happy. he's not abusive or anything, just sometimes he'll go too hard or for too long and i just won't say anything because i feel wanted. is there something wrong with me??

There isn’t anything wrong with you. It sounds like you like to feel valued and loved, much the same as for myself. It can be very hard to tell my partner when something has gone wrong, but I’ve found a few ways. The best tip I have would be write it down and let him read it. I created a password protected blog here on Tumblr that only my partner and I have the password for. When something has gone wrong, I write about it there and he reads it. The important thing here is to find a way to communicate how he is hurting you. If he doesn’t know what’s wrong, he won’t know how to fix it. Best of luck to two!

-Audrey

TW: non consent

Anon: my boyfriend and i just had sex. it was my first and i thought it was painful. i asked him to stop but he didnt… he just went faster and faster. i tried talking to him and now hes guilty.

FYSE: What he did is not okay. That’s not consent, and honestly when anyone continues sex after you say no, especially if they go faster or harder, that can be classified as rape and abusive behavior. This is something that must be talked about, about how it hurt, and how that behavior is abusive. Not only must he understand what he did was wrong he must never do it again. A lot of people go through this cycle of abusive behavior and feeling guilty about it. There can’t be that cycle, his behavior has to change. Both of you need to understand this is serious and it can’t happen again. Any time you say no or stop he needs to stop immediately and tend to you to make sure you’re okay. This is especially important if sex is painful, because you need to stop, do more foreplay, use lube, go slower, prepare the vagina/anus more, just continuing to have sex and going faster shows a complete disregard to your well being.

Anonymous asked: Hi. I'm into the whole rough sex, d/s, bdsm stuff. Me and my ex tried it once and really got into it and now that's all i like. And my current boyfriend who i've been with for 10 months knows it is what I like but chooses not to do it. Any advice on how I encourage this?

My best advice is communicate. It sounds like you’ve already talked to him about your tastes, but go beyond that. Tell him you’d really like to try it out sometime. If you lean domininant, you could try taking a bit of control next time. If you lean submissive, maybe ask for permission to do stuff. It’s also possible that he just may not be into it at all, which can really suck. I wish you the best of luck!

-Audrey

Anonymous asked: During rough sex I enjoy myself and can free my mind of thoughts but my boyfriend always wants to go slow and love each other but I always get overly uncomfortable and antsy. What is wrong with me

Good news, there’s nothing wrong with you! I suggest talking to your boyfriend, tell him what you enjoy. Be direct say what you mean. It’s also important to understand why he may be hesitant to get a little rougher. Just talk about it, and maybe you two will discover a new dynamic. 

-Audrey

TW: Molestation

I’ve been molested twice and I realize that I can’t enjoy sex/masturbation because it scares me. I don’t know how to tell my partner because I don’t want to upset him. Is there anything I can do to just.. get over it? I want to learn how to have sex but I’m terrified that I might just scare him off if I start crying during sex. 

Unfortunately, there isn’t a good way to wake up and be over it. Communicate to your partner that you’re scared. Tell him as much or as little as you feel comfortable. And don’t push yourself too hard too fast. Remember that the mods here at FYSE are always here to talk to. 

-Audrey

Anonymous asked: Valentines is coming soon and I want to do something special for my bf. I've been with him for a while, but I'm still slightly shy around him as in I NEVER initiate sex. I want to initiate, but at the same time I want to get rid of the insecure thoughts. I keep thinking I might look stupid trying to be "sexy" but what can I do to avoid looking stupid in front of him? Its been over a year since I first started thinking that, help me?

Sometimes you will feel silly doing new sex things, but it’s just like trying any new thing. You can’t expect someone to be perfect the first time they try driving, the same goes for sex. You can learn the rules, ask people for tips, bit you still have to learn how to handle the car. Do some research on the type of sex you’d like to have or being dominant in bed (I have some posts in my FAQ that may help), talk to your boyfriend about your insecurities and fears so they can help you, and then just do it! You may feel silly at some points but keep going. When it comes to self confidence, fake it till you make it. Tell yourself you are sexy. Your partner is luck to have you, you are a strong sexual being and you are in control. Just keep up that kind of thoughts on your mind and if your mind says anything against that tell it it’s wrong and to shut up because you are awesome.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Do you have any guides for better communication? Or have links for it?

I have a post on Communication !

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: this isn't exactly a sex education question, but it's been bothering me. i identify as gender neutral, but my cis girlfriend only likes my body because it has womanly features.. she loves my personality, but is physically attracted to me because of my girl-like figure. it makes me feel like crap. what do i do?

Talk to her about it! Here’s a good dialogue to try:

(girlfriend’s name) When you (pick something she does in this context, like tell you she is attracted to your “feminine” features) this makes me feel (whatever feeling you have, depressed, sad, angry) because it makes me think (whatever you think, like that she doesn’t take your gender seriously). Let her know you’re insecure about this and explain how your identity affects you and how important it is for you to have it taken seriously. Ask her her thoughts and feelings.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: My girl and I have been together for two years now, and although we've been serious, we haven't made love, and I feel sort of like she doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore.

Talk to her! You’re not a mind reader, so you don’t know what she’s thinking or feeling unless you ask her. It’s important to always address your fears or insecurities in the relationship so you don’t end up dwelling on them and getting more and more upset when maybe the problem is a lot smaller than you think. Let her know what you’re ready for in the relationship and ask what she’s ready for and how she feels about you and the relationship.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Iv been with my boyfriend for nearly four years and he had never expressed his sexual like or dislikes. He gets really awkward when I try to ask him about it or suggest something we've never done before and is very reluctant to try anything new. Is there any way I can bring out of his more adventurous side or at least be able to talk about it more openly? And is it normal to not be 'into' anything or have a fantasy or fetish?

Try to bring it up again and if he gets awkward ask why. Maybe there’s some insecurity or fear he has that you can help him combat. Ask him what he wants from a relationship and sexually. Ask him if he has any insecurities or fears, or questions about sex. And yes, many people don’t have any fantasies or fetishes. 

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Hello, cisfemale here! I've been dating the same man for a good while now and it's the happiest relationship I could ask for. However, I can't shake a fear of being physically or verbally abused even though my rational thinking self knows he wouldn't hurt me. It causes me stress because I keep certain walls up, and I've noticed it hurt his feelings because he doesn't want me to feel this way. Is this a normal feeling, or should I mention it to my therapist?

I can certainly relate with how you feel. It’s very scary to think that someone you love could hurt you. If you are comfortable with talking to your therapist about these feelings, it may help. However, in the end, you need to make sure your partner understands these fears. Opening communication for the small things that you can push away or just not think about will help in the long run for bigger issues. 

-Audrey

Anonymous asked: i'm a cis female and my boyfriend is a cis male. he told me recently that he is interested in me performing some light anal play on him. experimented a little, but i wasn't really that into it. how can i get excited about pleasing my man in a way i never really thought i would? and what could make it more fun?

Don’t pressure yourself into doing something you’re not comfortable with right now. Do some research into anal play (I have a post, Beginner’s Guide to Anal Play) and also have him tell you what he wants and WHY he wants it. Hearing your partner explain how much it turns them on can help you get turned on by it as well.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: 1) me and my boyfriend are usually always safe about sex and use a condom. i'm going on birthcontrol soon. but lately, we haven't had condoms and he wants to put it in me unprotected for a little. i let him as long as he's been to the bathroom and stuff and its been several hours. but it makes me so uncomfortable and nervous. i'll let him put it in for like 1 minute before I try to go down on him but he always begs me to let him do it again. how do I help this? I confronted him about it when we

weren’t doing stuff and he totally understood and respected my wishes. but it’s like whenever he’s really turned on that all seems to fly out the window. it has me up night after night until my next period comes. he did it today for a about 30 seconds. it makes me so scared. do you think i’m pregnant? i hate myself. help?

FYSE: Arousal isn’t a magical memory and control erasing thing. What he’s doing is manipulating you. It’s bordering on abusive and that’s not okay. Don’t hate yourself, he’s the one that’s in the wrong. For many people this would be grounds for break up. If you don’t want that, I have a dialogue I want you to do:

(boyfriend’s name) whenever you continue to ask me for unprotected sex even after I say no this makes me feel (sad, depressed, self hating, whatever emotions you feel) because it makes me think (whatever you think; he doesn’t respect you, you’re doing something wrong, you’re a bad girlfriend, whatever.) and then when you continue to do this after you’ve said you understand, this makes me feel (again whatever feelings) and it makes me think (again, whatever thoughts). This behavior is also abusive and manipulative and it’s not okay. In the future I need you to respect my first no and not ask me for unprotected sex, including when you are aroused. If you can’t do this, I’m going to leave because I deserve someone who will respect my boundaries. If you can do this, then we may be able to work through this.

Seriously, you do deserve someone who will respect your boundaries and who will care about you.

There’s always a chance of pregnancy, any time your period is lighter or shorter than usual it’s best to take a pregnancy test. 

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: What are the 'rules' for two consenting young adults having sex at the place of a third?

It varies from person to person and group to group. The main rule is communicate beforehand. Ask them what rules they have, what they’re comfortable with, what their boundaries are, and what they expect and want from the occurrence. Make sure everyone’s on the same page and know what is expected and wanted of them and what’s not.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: I recently began engaging in a sexual relationship with one of my best friends. He is a few years younger than me (and legal, obviously) and honestly its the best sex I've ever had. I think I'm starting to get more than friends with benefits feelings for him. I don't know whether to end it or to keep going. I am very confused.

Talk to him! Ask him what he wants from the relationship. If he wants something more you can pursue it. If not, it’s really about what you think is best for you. Do you feel like continuing a sex only relationship when you want something more? Do you think that would hurt you? If you think it may hurt you, you may want to just stop the sexual relationship. It really comes down to what you want and what you think would be best for you.

-FYSE