Anonymous asked: 1) me and my boyfriend are usually always safe about sex and use a condom. i'm going on birthcontrol soon. but lately, we haven't had condoms and he wants to put it in me unprotected for a little. i let him as long as he's been to the bathroom and stuff and its been several hours. but it makes me so uncomfortable and nervous. i'll let him put it in for like 1 minute before I try to go down on him but he always begs me to let him do it again. how do I help this? I confronted him about it when we
weren’t doing stuff and he totally understood and respected my wishes. but it’s like whenever he’s really turned on that all seems to fly out the window. it has me up night after night until my next period comes. he did it today for a about 30 seconds. it makes me so scared. do you think i’m pregnant? i hate myself. help?
FYSE: Arousal isn’t a magical memory and control erasing thing. What he’s doing is manipulating you. It’s bordering on abusive and that’s not okay. Don’t hate yourself, he’s the one that’s in the wrong. For many people this would be grounds for break up. If you don’t want that, I have a dialogue I want you to do:
(boyfriend’s name) whenever you continue to ask me for unprotected sex even after I say no this makes me feel (sad, depressed, self hating, whatever emotions you feel) because it makes me think (whatever you think; he doesn’t respect you, you’re doing something wrong, you’re a bad girlfriend, whatever.) and then when you continue to do this after you’ve said you understand, this makes me feel (again whatever feelings) and it makes me think (again, whatever thoughts). This behavior is also abusive and manipulative and it’s not okay. In the future I need you to respect my first no and not ask me for unprotected sex, including when you are aroused. If you can’t do this, I’m going to leave because I deserve someone who will respect my boundaries. If you can do this, then we may be able to work through this.
Seriously, you do deserve someone who will respect your boundaries and who will care about you.
There’s always a chance of pregnancy, any time your period is lighter or shorter than usual it’s best to take a pregnancy test.