Anonymous asked: to the hetgirl who finds both genders attractive: it could be because when looking at other women, you see things that you find appealing in the way you find it attractive almost for yourself, "oh that looks really good on her", whereas when looking at males you're looking for sexually aesthetics, "oh he looks like he'd be a good lover" or something like that? even if its subconscious.

there are more than two genders, but yes

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: I'm a heterosexual girl, but I find people of all genders aesthetically attractive. Is it normal that most of the men I find attractive tend to share similar features, body types, and coloration (not always, but usually), but there's a lot more variation among the women I find attractive? I see tons of women of different shapes/sizes/colors that I think are beautiful, but it's pretty rare that I see a man I find attractive, even though I'm only romantically/sexually attracted to men.

That’s very common! A lot of heterosexual women find women more aesthetically attractive!

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Hi! I'm a little confused when it comes to my sexuality. I'm physically attracted to men and women (mostly men) but I have crushes on women and when I watch porn, I usually look at the female. The thing is, I don't see myself ever being in a relationship with one. Does that make me bi?

There’s a few different kinds of orientations.

Sexual orientation is based on what genders you are sexually attracted to, attraction based on wanting to be sexual with them. Many people call this kind of attraction “physical attraction” although really attraction based on finding someone physically beautiful (like one would find a piece of art beautiful) is called aesthetic attraction. So if you’re sexually attracted to both men and women you could identify as many different multisexual orientations, including bisexual.

Romantic orientation is based on romantic attraction, attraction based on wanting to be in a relationship or being romantic with. So if you’re only romantically attracted to men you would either be heterosexual or homosexual depending on your gender identity.

As far as porn, that doesn’t have much of a influence on orientation. Many straight people like “gay porn” and vice versa. Many times this is because women usually identify more with women (and men identify more with men) so they get more pleasure seeing two people that they can identify with receiving pleasure than just one.

Crushes can be a product of either sexual attraction or aesthetic attraction or sensual attraction (attraction based on wanting to be sensual but not necessarily sexual with the person) so it depends on why you have a crush on the person.

The romantic version of a crush is called a squish.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: I'm a cisfemale demisexual. My boyfriend is a straight cismale. He doesn't seem to understand why I dont find anyone else attractive, and before I told him what demisexuality was, he thought I was weird for it. However, I'm jealous because he finds other women attractive when I don't find anyone else attractive. It makes me feel crazy for being jealous over something like that. How can I address both issues (the hurt feeling from him thinking it's weird and the jealousy while still being mature?

It’s best to focus on your feelings. Tell him what kinds of feelings you have and what thought you have when you think about him being attractive to other people. Are you depressed because it makes you think he’ll leave you? Are you angry because it makes you think he doesn’t find you attractive? Anything like that; feelings and thoughts. That way he can see how it affects you and reassure you on whatever you’re insecure about. Encourage him to tell you how he feels about the relationship, you, and attraction. 

For feeling hurt about the demisexual thing here’s a good dialogue:

(boyfriend’s name) when you (whatever he said or did that made you think he thought you were weird), it made me feel hurt and sad (or whatever feeling) because it made me think you thought I was weird (or whatever you thought).

That way he knows how it affected you and you can both work it out

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Kind of in the same vein- Do you think people who won't date fat people are fatphobic or do you think they honestly 'just aren't attracted to fat people'. Or is this still the cultural thing affecting them?

Basically it’s the exact same thing. Same with not being attracted to trans people, disabled people, or anything else like that. It’s important to look at how your culture influences your attraction. It may not be outright oppression or prejudice, but it may be stemming from that.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: (I'm CisF and white) I personally only find other white people attractive. I also prefer black curly hair, glasses and freckles, but that doesn't mean to say I won't go out with somebody if they don't have those- but they would have to be white. However, I don't feel this is racist- I have no racial aggression towards other races, and I am friends with plenty. I am just not attracted to other skin colours.

I feel like I’m just repeating myself at this point with the whole “examine the cultural messages that may have given you this attraction” so lets look at it a different way.

Racism (and all forms of oppression) doesn’t need to be aggressive. You can be friends, have sex with, be related to, or marry people of certain races and still be racist. Racism is the oppression of a certain race. Pre-judging a person because of their race is racism. This keeps people of certain races from getting jobs, finding homes, being paid enough, finding partners, getting proper health care, and many other things. Thinking that people act a certain way because they are a certain race, not being aware of the oppression of different races, using oppressive language, thinking that people of certain races don’t deserve attention when it comes to race or don’t deserve certain programs (like scholarships) because of their race, a million other “casual” actions or thoughts are a part of racism. Racism and every form of oppression isn’t always blatant. It’s sneaky, and as white people (or any privileged group) it’s our duty to constantly examine our behavior and thoughts to make sure we’re not being a part of the oppression towards certain people.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: While we're on the topic of race, I'm white but I'm not attracted to pale skin at all. I'm also not necessarily attracted to super dark skin. Every guy I've ever dated has been latino, but I'm also very attracted to asians, native americans and middle easterners. I know that if I fell in love with a person, skin color would not be a factor in our relationship. I also know that appearance does not define what's inside. My preferences are purely aesthetic. Is this okay? I'm not racist, am I?

As long as you’re not objectifying those races and thinking of them as purely sexual objects, or using that attraction to POC as proof you’re not racist you’re fine. It is good to look at why you’re not attracted to darker skin for the same reason that we’ve been talking about

As there’s no racist messages against white skin being unattractive and because white people are not in any way exotified, objectified, or oppressed because of their race in our culture there’s no base of racism in that kind of attraction. 

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Does it make you a bad person to not be particularly attracted to a certain race? I've found that I'm more attracted to my own race, which I think might be a lot of racism rooted too far in the back of my mind to even be conscious of. Everyone at my school talks about how they like xyz ethnicity, but that seems wrong.

The main thing is to examine why you’re not attracted to a certain race and any preconceived notions you have about that race. Racism is built into our culture, so some messages do get stuck in our mind even if we don’t know it. 

On a related note, it’s not good to objectify a certain race. Saying “Oh I like Latinas, they’re hot and spicy!” or “Japanese women are like exotic Geishas!” “Black men are so sexy because they have huge penises!” or anything like that is racist. It’s based on racist stereotypes, and exotifying different cultures is incredibly harmful. It makes them less than human which makes them more likely to be oppressed.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: im a female and i think im straight but i get turned on by watching lesbian porn... does this make me a lesbian or am i still straight

Nope! Lots of people are turned on by porn or erotica that doesn’t necessarily align with their sexual orientation. 

-O

Anonymous asked: i'm a heterosexual cisfemale, but there are actually more dfabs that i find physically attractive than dmabs. i have no romantic or sexual feelings towards dfabs, but a lot of them are just really pretty and i'd be happy to just sit and stare at them for hours and bask in their beauty (okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but i do look at other dfabs and think they're gorgeous a lot more frequently than i see attractive dmabs). is this normal?

That is normal! There are a few different kinds of attraction, what you’re feeling is called aesthetic attraction. Aesthetic attraction is attraction based on finding someone beautiful, in the same way you may find a painting or sculpture beautiful. A lot of people have “girl crushes” or “man crushes” on the same gender even if they aren’t actually sexually or romantically attracted to that gender, because they can still appreciate their beauty.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Whenever my friends say they want to have sex with such and such attractive celebrity, I feel really uncomfortable. Regardless of how good-looking I find them, I really have no desire to have sex with them. I'm demisexual and I was wondering if this is caused by my orientation or if other people feel this way, too.

Not everyone’s sexually attracted or wants to have sex with celebrities. It could be partially the demisexuality, and also just everyone’s tastes are different. Any followers that feel similarly, feel free to chime in!

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: I'm a cisfemale, and while I consider myself an ally to the LGBTQ community, I feel I am only romantically and sexually attracted to cismales. I feel bad about it. Even if I'm only attracted to men, why wouldn't I be able to love someone who was a male in a female body or a DMAB who was agender or genderqueer? Is it wrong to only feel attraction to cismales? I feel like it makes me not as accepting as I want to be.

No attraction is wrong. You can be supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community as much as you want, that won’t change your sexuality or who you’re sexually attracted too. As long you know that trans men are man too and that trans women are women you’re okay.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: So, I'm a cis female. I'm very interested in women sexually, but I'm not sure emotionally? I don't know if I could have a relationship with one. I'm more emotionally interested in men, than sexually. Is there a term/something that could explain this? Idk. I'm confused. I just identify as queer for now.

Yes! There are many different kinds of attraction and orientations. There are two main ones, a sexual orientation (what genders you feel attracted to based on wanting to have sex with them) and a romantic orientation (what genders you feel attracted to based on wanting to be in a relationship with them). Sometimes these match up, other times they don’t. If you’re attracted to both men and women in a sexual way you could identify as any multisexual identity. If you’re only attracted to men romantically, then you’re heteroromantic.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: I was curious what would you call this? I've always had a physical attraction for females/female anatomy, but its not sexual or romantic. I do have a physical,sexual and romantic attraction for males. I dont think labeling myself matters, I've just always been curious.

Aesthetic attraction is just attraction based on finding something/someone beautiful with out any kind of desire for sex, sensuality, or romance. 

Also, just a note, it’s more appropriate to say DFAB anatomy as many different females have many different kinds of anatomy not just breasts/vaginas/vulvas.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Is it weird that I get aroused when I watch movies and a guy starts methodically kicking ass? Like in Bourne Legacy when Jeremy Renner's character was taking down the bad guys in the scientist girl's house or when Loki flipped a guy onto that marble table. It got me so hot and bothered, and it was more than just the actors being attractive.

Not weird at all! That’s really common, in fact a lot of movies/tv shows count on that reaction to get viewers.

-FYSE