ANON: Hello! I wanted an honest opinion, for whether you think my boyfriend could be using me or not. I’m 16, he’s 23. We see each other MAYBE once a month, and we are sexually active. We’ve been dating for a little over 4 months. We talk (through text) pretty much 24/7, from the time we wake up until the time we go to sleep. He is aware that I’m trying to lose weight, and he has set a rule that my BMI is not allowed to go under 18.5. He’s constantly saying things like “I can’t wait until you’re 18 so we can go on adventures together.” He’s really into flying and has told me he really wants to take me in a plane as soon as he gets his pilot license. He’s totally straight edge, hardly drinks, and has never done drugs. He doesn’t go to parties either. I’m pretty sure I’m the only underage girl he’s dated. I’m also the only person that’s smaller than him that he’s dated. I’m 4’11” he’s 5’4”. I am a recovering smoker and cutter, and he fully supports my recovery. He’ll always say he’s proud of me for not relapsing. We have admitted our interest for D/s play in bed. Last month when we saw each other he saw that I had recently cut when he was ABOUT to tie me up, but he stopped and just asked if we could cuddle. He put disinfectant on it and everything. He’s a little insecure, but mostly self confident. He has mentioned that he likes my hair more when it’s straightened, but I can’t blame him. xDD He doesn’t compliment me excessively, but he’s also really introverted so I can understand that too. We did break up about a week ago because I told him that our relationship wasn’t worth him going to jail, but we got back together because I admitted that I was sort of hoping he would say it was. He said he didn’t want to force me back into something if I wasn’t comfortable with it. Also, the first time we had sex it was initiated by me. He had said before that he was totally fine with us staying abstinent until I was 18. I’m sorry if this was annoying. I just really wanted an opinion, as most older guys only date younger girls because they want sex or are emotionally immature. He’s also pretty smart, in my opinion, and if I make grammar mistakes or the like he’ll correct me (which I enjoy). Okay. Sorry. Done. (>////<)
FYSE: Okay so a lot of info here. First off any time YOU have doubts in a relationship is a red flag. Definitely take the time to reevaluate your relationship. Secondly it’s very dangerous to have a relationship when one is under age because depending on where you live both of you could get legally in trouble. It seems like he respects your boundaries which is important. If he makes you do anything you don’t want to that’s a huge red flag as well. Definitely communicate your needs and wants in the relationship as well as any insecurities you may have. Also, it’s good for both of you to remember that relapse does happen and although it’s great to be proud when you haven’t relapsed you can’t beat yourself up about it if you do relapse because that will make recovery harder. Make sure that you’re getting what you need and that you are safe.