Anonymous asked: I want to start using tampons but I'm scared it will hurt or I'll do something wrong. Does inserting a tampon break the hymen? Is it ok to practise inserting it even if I'm not on my period? How often should it be changed?

The hymen as we think of it isn’t real. Most people’s hymens are just a mucus membrane that surrounds their vaginal opening. It doesn’t break or tare during penetration. For the most part virginity is a social construct and your vagina in no way changes after penetration. Gynecologists can’t even tell if you’ve had sex or not, unless you’re one of the few people whose hymens do stretch over the entire vagina or most of it. In these cases the hymen can cause problems and might need to be removed by a doctor. So no, tampons don’t break hymens.

It’s usually easier to get a tampon in when you’re on your period because the blood lubricates it. If you can get some water based lube that’d help, but otherwise I suggest waiting until your period.

Tampons need to be changed every 4-6 hours.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: I turn 18 next week, but prom night (cliche, I know) is this Saturday. If my boyfriend (who is already legal) and I get caught having sex in a car, would he still be charged for a misdemeanor?

It depends on where you live both as to if the age gap would be considered illegal and if they would arrest or give you a ticket for having sex in the car. I honestly wouldn’t suggest having sex in the car because it is usually illegal in a lot of places. If you want to know the exact laws where you live, you can message back here or email at fysexeducation@gmail.com

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: My boyfriend and I had sex a week ago and we weren't using any form of protection. But -he didn't cum inside of me -he perviously came around 2 hours before he went inside of me -I gave him a bj after he came and before he went inside, he didn't cum due to the bj at all. -I was also not predicted to ovulate in the next week after we had sex. - I am also still bleeding as it was my first time. Is there still a chance I can be pregnant, I am really worried..

There’s always a chance of pregnancy. Whenever your partner ejaculates within a few hours of having sex, there can still be sperm present in the urethra which can come out during sex and get you pregnant, so there is more of a chance of pregnancy because of that. In about 3-4 weeks you need to take a pregnancy test. If you get your period before then and it’s lighter or shorter than usual you still need to take a pregnancy test.

Also, just a note, bleeding after first time sex doesn’t have to happen.  The hymen as we think of it isn’t real. Most people’s hymens are just a mucus membrane that surrounds their vaginal opening. It doesn’t break or tare during penetration. For the most part virginity is a social construct and your vagina in no way changes after penetration. Gynecologists can’t even tell if you’ve had sex or not, unless you’re one of the few people whose hymens do stretch over the entire vagina or most of it. In these cases the hymen can cause problems and might need to be removed by a doctor.

The whole “blood and pain” thing you’ve been told about sex usually is because there wasn’t enough foreplay or lubrication involved in sex. 

Usually pain or blood with any sort of entry to the vagina is caused by the vagina not being aroused enough. Lube can definitely make it easier. Also, you need to be sure to use a lot of foreplay. Whenever you’re fully aroused your vagina usually loosens, lengthens, and starts producing it’s own lubrication. Be sure to be in a really sensual environment, some place where you aren’t rushed and some place you’re comfortable. You can start with your partner giving you a full body massage, being sure to touch your erogenous zones. They can also kiss you all over. Or if you’re alone you can watch porn, touch your erogenous zones or whatever else turns you on. Then you need to prepare your vagina. You can do this either with oral sex, with toys or with fingers. Be sure that the clitoris is being stimulated, as well around the vaginal opening. You can also stimulate the labia and other erogenous zones. Once you feel ready, and use lube if needed, you can try entry with the fingers. After you’ve stimulated the vagina with fingers or toys and make sure it’s stretched you can try intercourse if you wish. Some people don’t produce enough vaginal lubrication, if so use some lube. Everyone’s arousal is different, some don’t like their clitoris touched, others do. Communication is key. There are disorders that can make sex really painful, so if you’re still having trouble see a gynecologist!

For more information on the types of techniques that can keep you from having pain or bleeding during intercourse read my Sexual Techniques to Reduce Pain post.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: how many times can one receive a blow job before it wont ejaculate anymore?

It varies from person to person, some people ejaculate once and can’t maintain erection to ejaculate again, some people can ejaculate several times. Also, some people can train their bodies to orgasm without ejaculation so they can orgasm several times before ejaculation.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Sorry if this grosses you out but idk who else to ask. I have what I think is an ingrown hair right by my anus, it' a shiny red bump and i tried popping it but nothing like pus came out and it's not hot to the touch so it's not a boil. I've been keeping it clean but it only showed up today so what should I do? I occasionally get ingrown hairs elsewhere and normally I just pop them and keep them clean until they heal, is that what I should do here?

Try not to pop it, as that can cause it to become more infected. Get a hot compress and put it on it and that will encourage it to pop on its own. Other than that, just keep the area clean and dry and wait it out.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Hi, this is kind of time sensitive. 6 and a half weeks ago I done stuff with a guy. I had very lacy underwear on that was pretty skimpy - which he then moved to the side of the entrance of my vagina (although I was still wearing them) and at one point I was rubbing my 'crotch' area up and down the shaft of his penis. We didn't have penetrative sex and he didn't cum at all. Roughly two weeks after this I got my period which seemed to last as normal. Now I am about 3-5 days late for my next period

Pre-ejaculate can contain sperm from previous ejaculations, meaning if he ejaculated within the last few hours or haven’t urinated since his last ejaculation there could be sperm present in the urethra that would then be flushed out by pre-ejaculation. If that happened and your underwear were moved to the side so the penis was touching the vulva there would be a chance of pregnancy, although a small chance. I would take a pregnancy test just to bee sure, especially if your last period was lighter or shorter than usual.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Uh the majority of first times do hurt, and it's a minority of people who have completely painless sex their first time. i think some of your statements are blanketed and not completely based on fact.

I said the first time SHOULDN’T hurt. The people who do have a painful first time (which isn’t the majority according to most statistics I’ve seen and people I’ve talked to) have a painful first time because they and/or their partners don’t know what they’re doing, don’t use enough foreplay, or are nervous. For instance, my first time didn’t hurt at all because we used a lot of foreplay, but my second time hurt like an SOB and I bled. The first time is no different from any other time because sex in no way changes the vagina, it’s just that people learn what feels good, and what doesn’t.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: How do you estimate the size of a blood clot that would signify a problem? In the past week on my period, I've passed two that were over an inch long, but were less than half an inch wide.

Doctors and medical information I see say anything larger than approximately the size of a U.S. quarter which is one inch in diameter. I’d say if you continue to have clots that big or if you have any other symptoms like a lot of pain or feeling like you’re going to faint, see a doctor.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: How common is it for a condom to break? Ive never had it happen yet, but according to other sources (people, websites, here) it seems to be really common...

It depends on how you use it. Usually ripping is due to not putting on the condom right; using the wrong size, putting it on inside out, not leaving room for sperm, not storing it correctly, accidentally ripping it when opening it,  or not using enough lube. In a study where there were 34,036 instances of vaginal intercourse, 64% of the time latex condoms were used, and out of that 2% of the condoms broke. That’s really the only study I can really find that researched this, but I personally blame seemingly high condom breaks due to the fact that sex education a lot of times doesn’t teach how to use a condom correctly. 

From my FAQ:

Q: How do I put on a condom?

A: for a video

for a post

for pictures

-FYSE

TW: Rape

Anon: This might sound like a weird question but I just want to be clear. My boyfriend has a higher sex drive than myself and I tend to turn down sex quite a lot but he is very persistent. Eventually I feel guilt tripped into having sex anyway and just do it. He said that it’s not rape because I don’t physically try to stop him, don’t cry after or try to push him off me, but is it classed as rape since I didn’t want to and felt as though I had to?

FYSE: that can definitely be classified as rape. No one should guilt trip you into sex and you shouldn’t feel obligated. Your partner should take the first no. Being talked into sex is not consent. 

Anonymous asked: How far does the guy have to go in to break the hymen?

The hymen is a mucus membrane that surrounds the vaginal opening. It does not cover the vaginal opening, it doesn’t break. Unless there is a medical issue that makes it become thicker or brittler than it’s supposed to or causes it to cover a the vaginal opening, or the majority of it. Scarleteen’s article on the vaginal corona

For the most part virginity is a social construct and your vagina in no way changes after penetration. Gynecologists can’t even tell if you’ve had sex or not, unless you’re one of the few people whose hymens do stretch over the entire vagina or most of it. In these cases the hymen can cause problems and might need to be removed by a doctor.

The whole “blood and pain” thing you’ve been told about sex usually is because there wasn’t enough foreplay or lubrication involved in sex. Your first time shouldn’t hurt. Sex and penetration shouldn’t hurt. If it does, there’s something wrong.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: So, I'm nonbinary, DFAB, and my newest partner is a transguy. And so we've been having sex, mostly manual on me, but when I try manual or oral on him, he says it doesn't do anything to him. He thinks he might be asexual, and he really enjoys and gets aroused by doing stuff to me... But I feel really guilty and selfish for not being able to reciprocate. I've tried asking about other stuff he might enjoy, but he was a virgin before me, so he doesn't have much of an idea. Any advice? Thanks.

You’re not selfish for not being able to reciprocate. For many people, their main sexual enjoyment is making their partner feel good and that’s fine! The main thing is you’re both having fun.

Many trans guys have issues staying aroused during sex, especially if they suffer from gender dysphoria. If that is a problem, I have a post Dating and Sex with a Trans* Person that may help. 

If that’s not the problem, it could be due to asexuality. Asexuals don’t feel sexual attraction, they can still get aroused and may even be able to enjoy sex, but many asexuals aren’t that interested in sex although they may still enjoy certain kinks or pleasing their partner.

I’d suggest just talking to him. Tell him your thoughts and feelings so that he can tell you what he’s feeling and thinking and that may help you feel more comfortable with the situation and reassure you that he’s happy with the situation. If there are any problems you can work together to fix them.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: hi,im 16 and i cant really get a erection without watching porn can you please help

This is really common! A lot of people need the added psychological stimulation of pornography or sex with a partner to be able to get or maintain arousal. The only time I’d really be worried is if you couldn’t get or maintain an erection during sex, if you just masturbate I really wouldn’t be worried.

If you are sexually active and having issues with getting or maintaining an erection, here’s my advice:

 Usually losing an erection is a psychological issue, although occasionally it is physical. If they can’t keep an erection during masturbation it could be physical and they might need to see a doctor. Other than that it could be anxiety or insecurities about sex, their body, the relationship or anything like that. Ask them about it and see if there’s anything that you need to work through. Also, have them coach you and tell you what feels the best and what doesn’t. Communication is key! It could also be that the condom is the wrong size. It should not be uncomfortable or tight. You can also try a thinner condom to increase sensitivity. 

Something else that could also help is increasing sensitivity, here’s how you do that:

Lighten the friction and pressure when you’re masturbating. Keep control of your breath and stroke your clitoris/penis as lightly as you can. You can also try stimulating through cloth or using lube. Both decrease friction which can increase sensitivity.  You might have to experiment with pressure to orgasm and it might take longer but you’ll get there! Also, be sure to touch your other erogenous zones. Keep practicing until you can orgasm with the lightest touch you can manage. We get used to our own touch, a good way to keep us from doing this is to shake up our masturbation routine. Try different positions (lying down, sitting down, on your knees, on your hands and knees, standing up, against a wall etc), try different techniques (going in circles, flicking, up and down, side to side, not touching directly on the clitoris or specific part of the penis, pulling the hood/foreskin back, leaving the hood/foreskin forward, etc), try decreasing your speed and friction (go slower and softer), and use different kinds of toys if you use them or go without toys at all. Sometimes we get so trained on the orgasm when we masturbate we don’t slow down to enjoy it and it trains our body to that particular motion so other motions make us less likely to orgasm. Also try incorporating vaginal or anal stimulation into your routine. That way you can practice orgasming from g-spot/prostate stimulation or combining genital and penetrative stimulation. 

-FYSE

TW: rape

Anon: Hi so I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we have talked about sex and we both want to do it. I’ve gone on the pill and we are going to use a condom. The thing is I keep freezing up during foreplay and freaking out. I love him and I’m very comfortable with him. My ex got me very drunk and tried to rape me though and got me to do things to him. I don’t remember much of it and saw a therapist after to deal with it. I just don’t know how to make sure I don’t freak. any suggestions? thanks

FYSE: I have a post, Recovering from Abuse that may help. Talking to your partner about your discomfort and your fears will help. Talking about how he can help when you’re triggered can help as well. Don’t push yourself too far too fast, go as slow as you need.

Anonymous asked: i just came very close to an orgasm while working out. i am a virgin but this happens often. it doesn't make me feel that great, though? this time was the worst - i can't stand up right now because i'm extremely nauseous and dizzy. this also happened when i tried to use a tampon for my first and only time. it scares me so much.

I honestly would talk to a doctor any time you feel that sick from orgasm or vaginal entry. It could be something psychological, or something physical. A doctor would know more. Write down all your symptoms, when they occur, and how long the feeling lasts.

-FYSE