Anonymous asked: I had sex about two weeks ago. I've been on the pill for 2 years now and I take it at the same time every night or at least 1-2 hours in the time frame of the same time. We didn't use a condom at one point. He didn't cum inside of me and wasn't even close to cuming when he was considering he was plastered and having performance issues. I am having anxiety attacks over being pregnant because my bc stops my periods so i can't use that as a fall back. What are the chances that I am?

If he didn’t ejaculate inside of you that’s like using the withdrawal method:

the pill + Withdrawal = 99.98% effective with perfect use - 97.84% effective with typical use

Here’s the breakdown of perfect vs typical use for both these methods:

• I’m using the pill, I take it at the same time every day and I make sure none of my medications, vitamins or herbals interfere: 1% chance of pregnancy
• I’m using the pill, but I sometimes forget to take it and I don’t check my medicines: 9% chance of pregnancy

• I’m using the withdrawal method, I make sure that I pull out well before ejaculation and never ejaculate near the vulva, and I make sure that I’ve urinated at least once and it’s been several hours since my last ejaculation so that sperm isn’t present: 15% chance of pregnancy
• I’m using the withdrawal method incorrectly: 24% chance of pregnancy

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: i think my labia minora is kind of closed, does that make sense? I don't know how else to describe it, it opens in the end, but i have the impression it would be difficult to have sex with it being so closed. (i'm not sexually active) is this normal?

labia and vulvas come in all shapes and sizes, and it could just be that’s the way your body is shaped. I really wouldn’t worry about it unless you become sexually active and have trouble with it, at which point you could see a doctor. Remember, when you’re aroused everything becomes bigger and more open as your genitals fill with blood so it may be easier to navigate once you’re aroused.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Whenever I ejaculate (cisf) I really really really have to make sure my bladder is empty (like drinking a lot of water and peeing once and then waiting 15 min and peeing again) because only after that my ejaculate doesn't smell like urine. Do you know how I can overcome this? That kind of precaution really kills the mood for me and at the same time my partner really likes it and I don't want hold back but I'm scared of getting pee on him (or my bed). I just want to pee once and forget about it.

The reason why ejaculate sometimes smells like urine is because there can be traces left in or around the urethra. With drinking a lot of water and urinating what you’re doing is washing out those traces with very diluted urine as the more water you drink the more water is in your urine. What I’d suggest is just drinking more water normally. You know you need to drink more water if your urine is dark yellow. If your urine is only light yellow or clear that means you’re drinking enough water and there will be less concentrated urine traces in your ejaculate so it shouldn’t smell so strong. Just reassure your partner it’s not urine. As long as you urinate before sexual activity, it’s just ejaculate.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Is it normal to have small protruding black spots on the nipple?

They are probably montgomery glands, the glands that secrete oils to help lubricate the nipple and areola during breast feeding. Sometimes they can be dark depending on your skin, or it could be that the oil has plugged them up. If they get sore or swollen or look infected, see a doctor.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: One of my closest friends had sex with my 'crush' two days after I'd been intimate with him. How can I get over this?

I would suggest talking to both of them.

With your friend try a dialogue like this,

“(friends name), when you had sex with (crush’s name) it made me feel (whatever feelings you had, sadness, anger, etc.) because it made me thing (whatever you thought, that your friend betrayed you, that they don’t care about your feelings, etc.)” Just address what is making you upset and how you feel.

With your crush, talk about your feelings for them and ask about their feelings for you, let them know how him sleeping with your friend made you feel like in the above conversation.

This hopefully will help you sort things out.

-FYSE

TW: Relapse/drug abuse, death

Anon: This isn’t a sex question, but I really really need advice. I’m in a long-distance relationship that started about a month ago, with someone who’s an ex-raver, used to do some pretty hard drugs, and went through rehab (all before we met) and my partner’s father recently died. I found out that last night they went out to a rave and did ketamine, cocaine, and oxycontin. When I asked about it, they said they were “in control” but I’m seriously worried. Because we haven’t been together very long I don’t feel like it’s my place to say that’s not allowed, but when I expressed my concern they just said “my dad died, I have some leeway, leave me alone I’m not going to talk about this”, which just kind of worries more. The things is that if this is a relapse, I don’t know if I can handle it, and one of the reasons that we ended up getting together in the first place was their recovery. What do I do?

FYSE: Relapse is a part of recovery. It happens, and accepting that it happens is the first step to a second recovery. An addict is always an addict and the addiction is always a part of them, and especially in times of stress their control can break. It doesn’t have to do with the relationship and it may have been building even before his dad died. The thing about an addict is they can never just have one instance of using, like with alcoholics you can’t have just one drink, you have to stay away from it entirely. At some point he will have to deal with the fact that he’s relapsed and he will have to start the program all over. A lot of addicts feel inadequate when compared to their partner, and when they feel that inadequacy they may feel shame which fuels the addiction. The main thing is to support your partner. The addict is the only one in control of their addiction, not you. You can’t take that burden on yourself. I would suggest getting to the route of the problem, his dad’s death. Addiction is a symptom, it’s not always a cause. Encourage him to find professional health like a therapist. Encourage them to talk to you about what they’re going through and what they’re feeling. Let him vent. It’s important for them to avoid whatever triggers their urges like raves or the set of friends that they made. Encourage interaction with people unrelated to their addiction. 

If you can’t do that, it’s okay. You need to take care of you and I know from experience how devastating it can be to try and help an addict who doesn’t want to be helped. If you think you can’t deal with all this, it may be best to distance yourself. Maybe give them resources to recovery programs or therapists and then tell them how the situation is making you feel (focus on your feelings, not their actions) and that you need to take care of yourself.

Anonymous asked: Hi there! It seems like everyone who uses a menstrual cup loves it, so I decided to try them out. I've tried a few different brands, and I've never been able to get it fully into my vagina. I can insert it most of the way, but then it opens and creates a painful suction feeling. Do you (or any of your followers with a menstrual cup) have any advice? It's incredibly frustrating! I can insert tampons, fingers, etc. without any problem. Thank you!

There are different folds you can use that may help you get it to fit better. You can look up tutorials online, here’s a good one I found. Any followers have any suggestions?

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: Cisf. I keep getting random cramps in between my periods. I don't have any bleeding, just these random cramps. I've had trouble isolating what exactly is causing them - I'm on the Pill and I only have 2-3 periods a year (because of severe period pain) and I've noticed that they tend to happen a lot in the last week of active pills. Do you know if the dosage changes over the pack? (It could also be stress though; for some reason that week usually coincides with a lot of due dates and tests.)

How long have you been on that particular brand? A lot of people after 6 months to a year of being on one birth control brand start to have random cramps or spotting in between periods. You may need to switch brands or what helped me after this started happening was to “reset” my period but having periods for 3-4 packs and then starting back up with the skipping periods.

-FYSE

cheserasarah asked: Ok, this isn't an ask but I do have a resource for Arizona trans people. The My Sister's Closet/ Well Suited in Scottsdale is a great place to shop for good quality second hand clothes for any gender. I've shopped there for ages and brought a MTF friend with me and all the employees treated just like any other customer. She found so many great clothes for her at a great price. They ask no questions and you can use whatever bathrooms you choose.

Anonymous asked: thank you so much for this blog, it's wonderful! i'm a cis girl, and i have very little success masturbating. i know i can do it, but it's really difficult and frustrating. i want a vibrator, but i have no money of my own to buy one and i'm not comfortable talking to my mother about it. i also don't have a partner. what would you suggest as a safe method for the sexually-inept virgins among us?

Have you looked at my FAQ? The section Masturbation and Sex Toys may help, especially My Masturbation Guide and 

Q: I’m under age. How do I get a vibrator?

A: Usually the easiest way to get a vibrator when you’re underage/don’t have your own money source is buying something random that vibrates and using that. Just make sure to keep it clean and cover it either with a condom or non microwavable saran wrap. You can also use a shower head directed at your clitoris (not your vagina, since that can be unhealthy). There is a mini vibrator trojan makes that I’ve heard is good and inexpensive and easy to find in drug stores, so if you have any money you could get that. If you have more money and either a bank account with a debit card or get a pre paid credit card online you can buy toys online which arrive in regular boxes with no indication that sex toys are inside. Some sex stores don’t card, so you could try to sneak in and buy one there as well. For more advice see this post.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: hi there. i have a history of breast cancer in my family. i'm currently on the pill (eighteen year old cisf) and i've heard that can increase chances of breast cancer. i was wondering what methods of birth control (other than condoms) do not increase my chances? thanks!

The combination birth control pill only raises your chances of breast cancer a negligible amount, and your chances go right back to normal after you stop the pill. Now if you have had breast cancer before you can’t take the combination pill but you can take the progestin only mini pill or other progestin only methods. However, your chances aren’t higher just with having a family history so it’s fine for you to take the combination pill.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: I cosplay and I'm gender queer, but I always cosplay as women (like I was born) and my friends know I am but don't get why I don't cosplay as a male but the problem I have is the same as why I don't cross dress or want a gender change; I feel like because my body is curvy and I'm so unlikely to ever get the bulk Id need to be a male.. It just feels I'd look at myself in a mirror and see a woman dressed as a man, not the pronouns I feel. is crossdressing something that cause that sorta thing?

Everyone experiences gender differently. There’s no right or wrong way to be trans*. Just because you like dressing a certain way and you like cosplaying certain characters and you feel comfortable with your body doesn’t make you any less genderqueer. It’s just the way you are and that’s great!

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: (Cisf) My boyfriend keeps on making me cry during sex. I don't like to be spanked, called derogatory names, or humiliated during sex and no matter how many times I tell him, he still does it and always says that he "forgets." What would be the best thing to do?

Break up with him, because that is not good consent and is very dangerous behavior.

If you want to have a conversation:

“(boyfriend’s name) whenever you act this way during sex after I told you to stop (give exact examples) it makes me feel (whatever feelings you have, sad, depressed, angry) because it makes me think (what you think: he doesn’t respect your boundaries, he doesn’t care about your pleasure, etc.)

What you’re doing is not consensual and it’s not okay. If you continue to do this I’m going to have to break up with you for my safety.”

Remember, you deserve someone who respects your boundaries and consent.

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: We tried to have sex, he said i wasn't wet enough.. how do i help this?

Lube can definitely make it easier. Also, you need to be sure to use a lot of foreplay. Whenever you’re fully aroused your vagina usually loosens, lengthens, and starts producing it’s own lubrication. Be sure to be in a really sensual environment, some place where you aren’t rushed and some place you’re comfortable. You can start with your partner giving you a full body massage, being sure to touch your erogenous zones. They can also kiss you all over. Or if you’re alone you can watch porn, touch your erogenous zones or whatever else turns you on. Then you need to prepare your vagina. You can do this either with oral sex, with toys or with fingers. Be sure that the clitoris is being stimulated, as well around the vaginal opening. You can also stimulate the labia and other erogenous zones. Once you feel ready, and use lube if needed, you can try entry with the fingers. After you’ve stimulated the vagina with fingers or toys and make sure it’s stretched you can try intercourse if you wish. Some people don’t produce enough vaginal lubrication, if so use some lube. Everyone’s arousal is different, some don’t like their clitoris touched, others do. Communication is key. 

-FYSE

Anonymous asked: So I think I accidentally scratched a tiny piece of skin off my nipple. Its very small but it presses right against my bra and it stings when it touches something. Should I just try to leave it be or can I do something to make it better?

I’d just leave it be. Clean it with salt water and if you want you can keep a bandage on it. Just make sure to take it off from time to time to let it breath.

-FYSE